o·ver·dose

noun

/ˈōvərˌdōs/

1. an excessive and dangerous dose of a drug.

life

noun

/līf/

1. the condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death.

end

verb

/end/

past tense: ended; past participle: ended

1. come or bring to a final point; finish.
2. reach a point and go no further.

• “the boundary where my life ended and sorrow began”
• “..the investigation ended and concluded that the cause of death was an overdose on oxycodone”

It’s euphoric.

My body feels as if it’s soaring, but also it doesn’t move at all

My lungs are filled with so much clean air

Clean but yet it disgusted me to breathe.

In and out.

In goes one more then two; I’ve lost control of myself.

I can’t do this anymore.

In goes three then four; I should go lock my door.

Five then six; I probably won’t be missed.

Seven and then eight; this type of pain is something I can’t take

anymore.

Looking back at it I don’t think I could pinpoint where it started; where everything fell apart is still a mystery to me.

Is this..it?

Is this what’s come to?

Telling a story that no one will ever hear?

A story that’s trapped forever in the depths of my mind?

I firmly believed that everything was okay, that I would be okay, but I was far from it.

Before I knew it I was losing myself and losing everything that made me who I was and everything I could’ve ever been.

It’s too late for me now.

Everything is starting to slow and my body feels sluggish.

This is the end of my beginning and honestly I saw this coming.

It feels like a suicide and a homicide all at once.

I guess that’s just what the drugs will do to you.

I know this is wrong, I know that people love me, I know that I have a life ahead of me, but this feeling is overwhelming and I’ve lost every ounce of hope for myself.

 I wish I had something to tell my family, my friends, but in this very moment I’m speechless.

None of you are to blame? There’s nothing you could do?

I don’t know..

I feel as if I’m screaming but the only thing my room is drowning in is silence.

I’ve never felt more alone.

All the nights where I laid awake muffling my sobs, all the times where I gave into my impulses and drew blood from my skin, all the moments I stood in a room full of people yet felt totally isolated, this is the one time where I’m sitting in the corner of my bedroom weeping and now feel completely and utterly

alone.

I can’t tell you why I was driven to suicide.

I can’t tell you why I never spoke up for myself or never told anyone about my fear of self but if someone out there can hear me I can tell you one thing..

As my lights start to dim and this sensation begins to consume me I need you to learn what I couldn’t and believe in the things I never understood.

Life is too short to lose sleep over living nightmares and honey I promise

I promise you

It gets better.

In my final moments I see it now. I see why in the mix of everything my life was beautiful and I took it for granted.

When your mother asks you if you’re okay, instead of telling her that ‘you’re tired’ please tell her what’s wrong.

When you’re laughing with your friends and you feel that pause, don’t lose your focus because I promise you in doing so

You’ll be saving a life, you’ll be saving yourself, and salvaging everything that’s to come.

I promise.